Musings From The Edge

A Strange Turn of Events

2007-03-12T08:17:00.000-06:00

My wisdom teeth extractions have been postponed. My husband just came home and said that he had good news and bad news. He went in this morning to have a filling taken care of and in the midst of numbing his mouth, the dentist broke the needle (from the syringe) in my husband's mouth. Xrays were done and the dentist called an oral surgeon. Based on the position of the needle and on the words from the oral surgeon, the needle needs to be removed TODAY.

Of course there was no oral surgeon with an emergency appointment today so I offered my time slot from MY oral surgeon. We called the surgeon's office and they have graciously agreed to swap patients. Dan now has my appointment this afternoon to have the needle removed from his gum.

Dan said the dentist was nonapologetic and even had the gall to say that Dan had a large tongue and this most likely caused the needle break. He took no responsibility for the mishap.

The f$%er better pay for the procedure. We're going to look into that today.

Needless to say, Dan will be switching to a different dentist. I told him he should try my dentist.
Be thinking of my husband this afternoon.

And it was just a video!

2007-03-05T12:25:00.000-06:00

I went in today to an oral surgeon for a consultation on having my wisdom teeth removed. I posted on my previous blog that I had chipped one of my wisdom teeth back in August (yes, that long ago.) I must confess that before August, it had been a looong time since I had seen a dentist. You see, I have dental anxiety...severe dental anxiety. I found a reasonably nice dentist who knew of my anxiety and he said that while the chipped tooth did not expose a nerve, the tooth would give me trouble down the road. He also told me (and showed me) that the enamel around my wisdom teeth was flaking off and again, I would have trouble down the road. He offered to yank those bad boys out for me. He told me he could numb me up and have it all done within 45 minutes. NO THANK YOU. Did he miss the part about me having anxiety? I don't want to be AWAKE during the procedure. Sheesh.

I politely declined but told him that I would have the teeth removed before my next cleaning. Well, that time has come and gone. I cancelled my cleaning last week and thought of my promise and since I don't want another stern lecture, I called the Oral Surgeon the dentist recommended. I had the option of either going in for the teeth extractions or having a consultation with the surgeon. I wanted to meet the surgeon first so if I didn't like him, I could find someone else.

Today was the day of the consultation. I sat in the office and filled out the appropriate paperwork before I was led into an xray room to watch an 11 minute video on wisdom teeth extraction. It wasn't a graphic video by any means, in fact it was just a video of an actor doctor sitting behind a desk looking into the camera reviewing the procedure, possible side effects of light anesthesia and post op side effects.

The first inkling of impending disaster came when the actor doctor was describing the potential side effects of the anesthesia. I began to feel slightly light headed. The feeling worsened quickly and to distract myself from the video, I began rooting through my purse, pulling out scraps of paper to throw in the trash can. But I couldn't concentrate on my task, all I could hear were the side effects listed: nausea, dizziness, vomiting, drowsiness. I broke out into a cold sweat when the post op discomforts were listed: bleeding, swelling, stiffness of the jaw, pain. I tried concentrating on my breathing, but the dizziness only worsened and when the actor doctor started talking about the possibility of dry socket, I placed my head between my legs and tried reasoning with my body. I had undergone surgery in the past. Back in 1998 I had a lump removed from my breast. I had light anesthesia during that procedure and it was no big deal. Why was I freaking out? No reason to freak out...stop trying to pass out! My vision began to waver when the actor doctor warned of the slight risk of nerve damage during the extractions. I sat on the floor rested my head on my legs, feeling foolish that my mind was not in control of my body.

The receptionist came in right when the video ended. She fussed over me and brought a cold pack and a technician. I told her how embarrassed I was over the fact that I almost fainted over a video. The receptionist crouched down and patted my back and told me that her daughter had the same problem of passing out. I told her of my dental anxiety and really, I wasn't like this most of the time. Both the technician and receptionist hauled me to my feet and ushered me into the next room to sit on a dental chair. Not long after they left, another technician came in and tilted the chair back, way back, until it felt like I was laying on the top of my head. She tried to take my mind off my embarrassment by asking me if I was married, commenting on how long she was married etc etc. After a few minutes she reversed the position of the chair and the doctor came in.

The doctor teased me a little bit, telling me that he wasn't sure he wanted to work on me because I was so scared. I laughed and told him I wouldn't be too difficult to deal with once I was knocked out. He looked at my teeth, reviewed my medical history, briefly touched on the procedure (as to not induce another near fainting episode) and told me to bring someone with me to take me home etc. He told me that impacted wisdom teeth were a more common occurrence and it was a good thing that all of my wisdom teeth were visible and in place. He assured me that the procedure would be easy and trouble free. (Yea, we'll see about that)

I'm due to have those wisdom teeth removed next Monday at 1pm.

It's going to be a long week.

What books have you read?

2007-02-27T09:09:00.000-06:00

I got this meme from Ms Teacher

Look at the list of books below.
* Bold the ones you’ve read
* Italicize the ones you want to read
* Leave blank the ones that you aren’t interested in.
* If you are reading this, tag, you’re it!
**If there are any books on this list that I didn't italicize and you think I should read, let me know in comments! Also, what other books do you think belong on this list and why?

1. The Da Vinci Code (Dan Brown)
2. Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen)
3. To Kill A Mockingbird (Harper Lee)
4. Gone With The Wind (Margaret Mitchell)
5. The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (Tolkien)
6. The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring (Tolkien)
7. The Lord of the Rings: Two Towers (Tolkien)
8. Anne of Green Gables (L.M. Montgomery)
9. Outlander (Diana Gabaldon)
10. A Fine Balance (Rohinton Mistry)
11. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Rowling)
12. Angels and Demons (Dan Brown)
13. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Rowling)
14. A Prayer for Owen Meany (John Irving)
15. Memoirs of a Geisha (Arthur Golden)
16. Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (Rowling)
17. Fall on Your Knees (Ann-Marie MacDonald)
18. The Stand (Stephen King)
19. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Rowling)
20. Jane Eyre (Charlotte Bronte)
21. The Hobbit (Tolkien)
22. The Catcher in the Rye (J.D. Salinger)
23. Little Women (Louisa May Alcott)
24. The Lovely Bones (Alice Sebold)
25. Life of Pi (Yann Martel)
26. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams)
27. Wuthering Heights (Emily Bronte)
28. The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe (C. S. Lewis)
29. East of Eden (John Steinbeck)
30. Tuesdays with Morrie (Mitch Albom)
31. Dune (Frank Herbert)
32. The Notebook (Nicholas Sparks)
33. Atlas Shrugged (Ayn Rand)
34. 1984 (Orwell)
35. The Mists of Avalon (Marion Zimmer Bradley)
36. The Pillars of the Earth (Ken Follett)
37. The Power of One (Bryce Courtenay)
38. I Know This Much is True (Wally Lamb)
39. The Red Tent (Anita Diamant)

40. The Alchemist (Paulo Coelho)

41. The Clan of the Cave Bear (Jean M. Auel)
42. The Kite Runner (Khaled Hosseini)
43. Confessions of a Shopaholic (Sophie Kinsella)
44. The Five People You Meet In Heaven (Mitch Albom)
45. Bible
46. Anna Karenina (Tolstoy)
47. The Count of Monte Cristo (Alexandre Dumas)
48. Angela’s Ashes (Frank McCourt)
49. The Grapes of Wrath (John Steinbeck)
50. She’s Come Undone (Wally Lamb)
51. The Poisonwood Bible (Barbara Kingsolver)
52. A Tale of Two Cities (Dickens)
53. Ender’s Game (Orson Scott Card)
54. Great Expectations (Dickens)
55. The Great Gatsby (Fitzgerald)
56. The Stone Angel (Margaret Laurence)
57. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (Rowling)
58. The Thorn Birds (Colleen McCullough)
59. The Handmaid’s Tale (Margaret Atwood)
60. The Time Traveller’s Wife (Audrew Niffenegger)
61. Crime and Punishment (Fyodor Dostoyevsky)
62. The Fountainhead (Ayn Rand)
63. War and Peace (Tolstoy)
64. Interview With The Vampire (Anne Rice)
65. Fifth Business (Robertson Davis)
66. One Hundred Years Of Solitude (Gabriel Garcia Marquez)
67. The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants (Ann Brashares)
68. Catch-22 (Joseph Heller)
69. Les Miserables (Hugo)
70. The Little Prince (Antoine de Saint-Exupery)
71. Bridget Jones’ Diary (Fielding)
72. Love in the Time of Cholera (Marquez)
73. Shogun (James Clavell)
74. The English Patient (Michael Ondaatje)
75. The Secret Garden (Frances Hodgson Burnett)
76. The Summer Tree (Guy Gavriel Kay)
77. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (Betty Smith)
78. The World According To Garp (John Irving)
79. The Diviners (Margaret Laurence)
80. Charlotte’s Web (E.B. White)
81. Not Wanted On The Voyage (Timothy Findley)
82. Of Mice And Men (Steinbeck)
83. Rebecca (Daphne DuMavrier)
84. Wizard’s First Rule (Terry Goodkind)
85. Emma (Jane Austen)
86. Watership Down(Richard Adams)
87. Brave New World (Aldous Huxley)
88. The Stone Diaries (Carol Shields)
89. Blindness (Jose Saramago)
90. Kane and Abel (Jeffrey Archer)
91. In The Skin Of A Lion (Ondaatje)
92. Lord of the Flies (Golding)
93. The Good Earth (Pearl S. Buck)
94. The Secret Life of Bees (Sue Monk Kidd)
95. The Bourne Identity (Robert Ludlum)
96. The Outsiders (S.E. Hinton)
97. White Oleander (Janet Fitch)
98. A Woman of Substance (Barbara Taylor Bradford)
99. The Celestine Prophecy (James Redfield)
100. Ulysses (James Joyce)

I would also add that I've read and enjoyed Caramelo by Sandra Cisneros and Eragon by Christopher Paolini. I tend to read mostly fantasy books, I especially enjoy the books written by Margaret Weis. I also recommend any books by Michael Gear and Kathleen O'Neill Gear. They are an archeaologist/anthropologist team that write about ancient American Indian tribes in a fictional setting. I suppose they are considered historical fiction writers.

Tell me what you have read!

The Last Straw?

2007-02-24T07:48:00.000-06:00

As much as I hate to say this, I think it's time to look for another job. The cons of this place are beginning to outweigh the benefits and the atmosphere is beginning to drag me down. Shall I elaborate?

Mr and Mrs Boss are generally nice people and in fact, I really like Mrs Boss. We are very much alike and I cherish the times we work together. Her husband however, is a different story. The husband and wife team push salesmanship...they really want us to be out there on the floor pushing the merchandise to make that extra sale. I've noticed that Mr Boss is a pushy salesman almost to the point of being obnoxious and he expects his employees to be the same way. Over the last year he has criticized the way I handle the customers, telling me that I'm not "leading" the customer, I'm allowing the customer to lead me around the store. He has told me that I need to take command and show them what they should buy. Personally, I have a problem with this. If the customer knows what they want, why should I push something on them? I will suggest products, but if they say no, I will not persist. If the customer doesn't know what they want, then I will be a little more insistent with the products, especially if I sense that he/she is open-minded to my sales pitch.

Mr Boss has a problem with the fact that I do not persist over any customer objections to suggested products. He has told me that I cave too easily and I need to have a sales pitch in mind. Have I mentioned the fact that Mr Boss used to be a car salesman? (No offense to any car salesman readers out there) I have tried to alter my sales pitch and even have been pushy but it seems nothing is good enough for this man. He has continued to criticize, sometimes in a rather nasty fashion, my sales technique. I don't engage in conversation with this man. He is a hot head and easily raises his voice to any opposing dialogue. So I keep my mouth shut and TRY to tune him out while he rants on about what a poor salesperson I am.

There were 2 incidents that I had with him this week that have proved to be the proverbial last straw. On Tuesday a gentleman came in to buy 2 bags of seed. Right now we're having a seed sale and there is an additional price break if you buy 4 bags of seed. I pointed this out to the gentleman and the man said no thank you. I reminded him that there was only 1 week left to the seed sale and he could take advantage of our seed storage program (you buy as much seed as you like and keep the rest in storage. It works like a bank...we get fresh seed in once a week so the bags aren't' the same and they're always fresh) and store those extra 2 bags. He firmly persisted with his answer and I obliged and checked the man out.

Mr Boss was on me as soon as the man left the store. Again with the "you cave too easily" blah blah blah. Then he told me that I need to make the customer feel stupid for not wanting to save money when they didn't want to buy the additional bags of seed. WHAT? First of all, I will NOT purposely make someone feel stupid. Why degrade another human being? I've often been on the end of that chain and it is not pleasant. I grew up with my father telling me I wasn't smart enough or good enough and that has STUCK with me...I struggle with those feelings of inadequacy to this very day. I have been in THERAPY for those feelings. So as you can imagine, this struck a big nerve with me. And then I looked at him and realized this man would do just about anything for the extra money. An extra 20 bucks essentially.

To prove his point he went through his sales pitch later that day with another man who only wanted to buy 2 bags of seed instead of the 4 bags of seed. He sounded like a jackass. He pushed the seed and said that he wished he could buy gas or milk when it was on sale and store it the same way you can store seed in our boutique. The man clearly was not interested and I could tell he wasn't listening to Mr Boss' sales pitch.

Yesterday Mr Boss really blew his top at me. A man came in and wanted to buy a bird feeder. He knew what he wanted so I showed him all the feeders. At the end the man mentioned in an offhanded way the fact that he bought seed at the hardware store. I showed him our seed and told him that our seed doesn't have the grain fillers in it etc and the man left. Mr Boss was PISSED at me for not showing him the seed earlier. Again he told me that I was letting the customer lead me around instead of me taking command.

He said "We sell fucking seed in our store. That's half of our fucking business and you let him walk out of the store without buying seed or giving him a sample. Again you let him lead you around."

I was almost in tears. But I held it together. I know this issue is about him. It's not my problem that he's a jerk. I'm not responsible for his feelings, I'm only responsible for my own feelings. Mr Boss is a bully and somewhere in him there must be an insecure person, perhaps a person who is afraid of failure. But that does not excuse his behavior. You may not like my sales pitch, but you must see that I am trying and I can't believe you just talked to me in that fashion.

I walk my path of integrity...if a customer says no and doesn't want something that I try to push, I will respect their feelings and not continually push the goods and I will NOT purposely make someone feel stupid.

And besides, I thought the store was about setting a positive atmosphere. Interacting with the customers, educating them and making them smile. Chances are if they have a positive experience, they will return. I may make a small sale today, but that person will return at a later date to buy more and perhaps consistently return.

I almost quit right there on the spot on Friday but the thought of not seeing my co-workers and even Mrs Boss made me stop. That's what's going to be hard. I really enjoy my co-workers and Mrs. Boss. Granted, I don't work with these 3 people very often, because about 90%of my time is with Mr Boss, but I cherish the time spent with my colleagues. The hours and flexibility are also a BIG bonus.

But I just can't take him anymore. How do you not let someone get to you? It's getting increasingly difficult. And what if I go on to another job and it's worse? And am I ever going to find that job where I can put my degree to work? A job that matches my passion for the birds and the environment?

Thursday 13

2007-02-22T07:31:00.000-06:00

 
Thirteen Things about CHICKADEE

1) Saturday night before I went to brush my teeth, I discovered a piece of lettuce on my front tooth. How long was that there? I had lettuce both at lunch AND dinner. Why did anyone not say anything to me? I WORKED on Saturday too and the thought of me grinning stupidly with that lettuce out there in the open the whole time was embarrassing.

2) Even more embarrassing then when I went to the Post Office on Friday and had a panty liner flop out on the counter in front of the clerk when I pulled my wallet out of my purse.

3) Olivia is in love with my little tube of chapstick. If it’s within paw’s reach, it’s off the table and in her mouth. She drops it and bats it around before picking it up again and carrying it off someplace to play with. I’ve found it in my shoe, under the table, near the couch…

4) I’ve been buying the Cinnamon Dolce Latte’s from Starbucks…they are sooo good. But I don’t know the correct pronunciation of Dolce. Initially I was pronouncing it “Dol-say”. I’ve heard clerks say “Dol-chey” and “Dol-say” as well. I’ve stopped saying it all together and just ask for the Cinnamon Latte. But which is the correct pronunciation? Dol-chey or Dol-say?

5)  I don’t want to give too much away in case there are some Heroes fans that didn’t get to watch Monday’s show, but can you believe the ending? I didn’t see that ONE coming. I’m eagerly anticipating next week’s episode. What will Claire’s dad have to say for himself? And I think Matt is walking the thin line between good and evil.

6) The birds are beginning to sing again and that means spring is right around the corner! That also means that I need to start listening to my birdsong CD again. A good deal of birdwatching involves being able to identify birds by their song.

7) Mr. and Mrs. Boss are going to use one of my photographs for the next monthly flyer that go out to the customers. Granted, the flyer is only going out to a small number of folks in the city, but MY picture will be in that ad!

8) Here in my city, the GMC/Chevrolet/Saturn conglomerate has been airing a “President’s Day” car commercial that I absolutely hate. I HATE it. The commercial is aired at least twice a commercial run (so if the TV station has commercials every 10 minutes, that’s at least 10 times that commercial is on the air in a given hour??? Is that math correct???) from 7 – 10pm. I thought that once President’s Day was over, the commercials would end. WRONG. They’re still airing that commercial. I just about have a fit and fall over myself muting the TV when it comes on.

9) Can someone either email me or tell me in the comments section how to do the blogrolling thing? I’m having a difficult time posting my favorite blogs on my blog. And pictures…how do you post pictures in between paragraphs? When I’ve tried to download pictures, blogger only allows me to place the pictures at the head of the entry, or the end. Help!

10)  I’m thinking about dying my hair. I’ve been thinking about it for the last 6 months or so because I’m going prematurely gray…well, silver. Almost 2/3 of my hair is now silver and it’s disheartening. I’m only 33!

11) I finished reading The No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency. Overall it was a good book, but it seemed like Mme Ramotswe solved her cases too easily and quickly. But I got the impression that this was the introductory book meant to acquaint you with the main characters. I’m going to give book two a shot.

12) I have discovered the crunchy goodness of Grape Nut Os cereal. It is so crunchy but sooo good!

13) As with my last several 13 memes, please continue to keep my friend’s husband in your thoughts who is serving our country in Iraq right now. My friend was interviewed by a US senator yesterday on the effects that deployment has on spouses. Maybe she’ll stop by and leave a comment on some of the specifics of that interview!

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Maps and the horror of Mountain Mint

2007-02-21T15:47:00.000-06:00

I volunteered at Nature Center A today (I'm designating the Nature Centers as A and B now) and the lesson plan was on reading maps, interpreting and creating map legends, identifying natural and man-made features on a map from the key and getting acquainted with the cardinal directions. Each group was given an aerial photo/map and a drawn map of the site and each leader was to help the kids identify landmarks on the map etc.

The afternoon session consisted of 16 lively second grade kids. During the introduction, Mrs. S (one of the staff teachers at the nature center) asked the kids what a map was used for and she received a few interesting responses.

One boy quickly responded "You can make a boat out of the map."

Followed by another that shouted "And an airplane! You can make an airplane."

And yet another boy thoughtfully replied "You can fold the map up and put it in the recycling bin."

Not quite the answers that Mrs. S had in mind. But once we got back on track, the kids quickly caught on. I had a smart group of kids. One of the boys proved to be excellent at finding our location by examining the position of landmarks on the map and the little girl in my group was good at determining the direction we were facing by using the compass.

At the beginning of the trip, the little girl asked if we were going to find the mountain mint that grew in the prairie. Mountain mint is a popular plant with all of the kids that come to the nature center. When crushed, the leaves and flowers emit a minty fragrance and most of the kids enjoy smelling the plant. I agreed that once we entered the prairie, we would find some Mountain Mint.

We spent some time in the woods before hitting the prairie and when I mentioned that we were going to look for the Mountain Mint, Boy A exclaimed "Mountain Mint! Oh I HATE that stuff."

Boy B agreed and then the little girl said that she hated Mountain Mint too. Sigh...peer pressure at work in my group. I had a feeling Boy A didn't really hate Mountain Mint and just enjoyed being dramatic so I persisted and found a small patch of mountain mint. Everyone plucked a piece of the plant.

Boy A rubbed his mountain mint and exclaimed "Oh, this smells awful! The horror of mountain mint!"

I rolled my eyes and said "Wow, you can really smell that mint. Doesn't that smell good?"

Boy B and the Girl smiled and ohhed and ahhed and held on to their mountain mint and even picked another bunch of the tiny flowers. We continued on the trail and Boy A periodically would burst into "The horror of mountain mint!"

Boy A found another patch of Moutain mint. He plucked it and smelled it, again exclaiming "The horror of mountain mint! The horror!"

I lightly flicked him on the top of his head and said "I think you just like to say 'The horror of mountain mint'."

He began to grin and quickly turned away so that I wouldn't see that smile. I remained silent while he continued on with his tirade of "The horror of mountain mint!".

I didn't mention that I saw his grin, nor did I point out the fact that he was still holding and smelling that horrendous mountain mint.

Flowers and memories

2007-02-13T09:17:00.000-06:00

My mom and I went to the Botanical Garden on Sunday and I took an unexpected stroll down memory lane when we entered the Mediterranean House. This small building was filled with blooming camellia trees, impatiens and olive trees. My grandma had 2 large camellia bushes in her backyard and I went back in time as I touched the red and pink satiny flowers.

I thought of the weekends spent at her house, of the chicken dinners she made especially for us, the scrambled eggs for breakfast, the orange sherbert she kept in the freezer and the green candy dish that she kept filled in the pantry. I remembered the times my sister and I played in the toy trunk found in basement. The basement itself was a treasure trove of forgotten household items, books and storage trunks. Up in the dining room there was a large cabinet and one drawer was stocked with coloring books, paper, pencils and crayons. I remember sitting at the dining room table drawing and coloring in those books.

We slept in a spare room that served as grandma's sewing room. She had stacks of yarn on a table and a recliner sat in front of that table. Each time she tucked us in, she would sit in that chair in the dark until we fell asleep.

She was a sweet woman and a great grandma. She died of colon cancer when I was 14 and I was heartbroken over her death. I still think of her often and wish that I could have gotten to know her better, especially now that I'm older. But I have pictures, memories and some of her things. And it's nice when something as simple as a flower can bring up unexpected memories.

Thursday 13

2007-02-07T21:13:00.000-06:00

Thirteen Things about CHICKADEE



1) I’m back after a 2 week hiatus. I’ve had to work the last 2 Thursdays. I’m usually off on Thursdays…I missed reading the 13s, not mention writing my own and receiving the comments!

2) I got a gift card to Borders for Christmas and I went to the bookstore a few weeks ago.  It has been a long time since I’ve gone to the bookstore for ME. It was wonderful to peruse the shelves and read the various book descriptions. I picked up 4 books and joined the Borders Book Club. I’ve been on a reading rampage since picking up those new books. It’s great!

3) Mr. Boss seems to be a gassy person. He leaves the “silent but deadly” ones and it seems like I’m usually around when he drops these stink bombs. Come on dude, do you honestly believe that I can’t smell that?

4) I went to the store last week to pick up some deodorant and it annoys me that unscented deodorant is so hard to find. Why must everything have a scent? I’m sorry, but when I perspire, I don’t want to smell like tropical fruit or fresh linen. I hate it when I get the “Oh, you smell good, what perfume are you wearing?”  What do you say? “That’s my deodorant. Isn’t it lovely.”? Argh.

5) Olivia has invented a new game called fetch. The object of the game is to get her human (usually me) to throw her toy across the room so that she can chase after it. Then she will sit at the toy until the human retrieves said toy to throw it again. Repeat. Can you teach a cat to fetch? I’m tired of throwing her toy and then running to retrieve it for her. LOL

6) The air has been rather dry in our household and the static electricity has been horrendous. Hubby and I shock each other on a daily basis. It really sucks when we kiss. Ouch!

7) And my hair…the static electricity has not been kind to the hair. I look like Einstein!

8) I get so annoyed with customers that comment on the cost of our merchandise. Yes, some of our items are a bit on the pricey side, but it is rude to say so out loud. If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

9) My co-worker friend and I have been chatting up a storm about Heroes. We’ve decided that even though Nathan is a bit of scumbag, deep down, he really isn’t all that bad. Of course Claire’s dad is evil and I expressed concern that the Haitian is going to get killed after it’s discovered that he did not erase Claire’s memory.  But we both love Hiro!

10) And speaking of Hiro, hubby and I have a new catch phrase. When we are happy about something, we say “Whoo hoo! Waffles!” (Because Hiro exclaims that phrase in one of the episodes in the diner)

11)  Well, according to the groundhog in Pennsylvania zoo, spring is just 6 weeks away. I am dubious of this proclamation…it has been so cold here in my neck of the woods. For the last week temps have not risen much above 20 degrees!

12) To my fellow World of Warcraft gamers. We’re 3 weeks into the Burning Crusades expansion. I made up a Draenei shaman (though I’ve been mostly playing my level 63 rogue) and even though I do not ordinarily play Horde characters, I made up a Blood Elf mage. What do you like about the expansion and what do you dislike about it?

13) Please continue to keep my friend’s husband in your thoughts. Several soldiers in his battalion have died in the last 2 months and his morale is low. Gabe, I think about you and pray for you every day.

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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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Contrary Customers

2007-02-05T12:42:00.000-06:00

I dealt with a lady on Friday that was the epitome of the contrary customer. She came in "just to browse" but she often stopped to ask me questions on different products located throughout the store. We have a section that is devoted to suet and suet feeders. Suet is the fat that surrounds a cow's kidney and the product is boiled, cooked and strained to filter out impurities so that the finished product doesn't quickly melt or spoiled once it is offered to the birds. It comes in a small cake form and the woodpeckers love it. There are several different varieties of suet offered (ie - peanut suet, raisin and peanut suet, cherry suet etc) The woman was interested in setting up a suet feeder and asked my opinion on which was the best suet for the woodpeckers. I told her that either the peanut munch or the supreme peanut cake were two good choices for the woodpeckers. She asked which of the two suet products that I thought was best and I told her that it did not matter. However, when she persisted, I conceded that I believed the supreme peanut cake was the best choice.

She paused for a moment with both suet cakes in her hand, weighing my words before saying "Well, I think the peanut munch is best, don't you?"

I shrugged and agreed. Sometimes it helps to make a decision when someone has a preference that is different from your own.

She wandered around on her own for awhile before stopping at the wind chimes. She rang several different chimes and stopped to re-ring 2 particular chimes. She turned to me and again asked my opinion on which was best. I eyed her warily, sensing a trap. But curiosity got the better of me. I wanted to hear her reaction to my preference.

I approached her and rang both sets of chimes. I picked one chime to which she promptly replied. "Oh. That one is so loud, don't you think?"

No matter what you say, there is just no pleasing some people. I can think of at least 1 other example of a contrary customer. A gentleman came in a few weeks ago, wanting to buy a feeder, but didn't want a feeder that was "messy". He had an "immaculate" yard that won an award as the city's best yard. (or something snooty like that) Well...I'm NOT the person to talk to about maintaining cleanliness. Anyone who has seen my jungle of a backyard or has heard about the mountain of procrastination that sits in my bedroom knows that I am "neatness challenged". I smiled at the irony of the situation and led him to the house feeders (feeders that have walls and a roof) and the tube feeders. Of the two feeders, I told him the birds were less likely to fling a great quantity seed out of the tube feeders.

"Will I get my cardinal birds with the tube feeder?" He asked.

"No." I replied truthfully, "But if you place a tray at the bottom of the feeder, you will get the cardinals."

"But then they will be flinging the seed off the tray, won't they?"

"Yes."

He eyed the house feeder and I reiterated that this was the feeder that the birds were most likely to make the biggest mess. He sighed and held on to the tube feeder and we moved on to the birdseed. I showed him the "No Mess" birdseed blend that we sell. The no mess is just sunflower seeds and millet without the shells. He waved his hand and said that the seed was too expensive. Fair enough. We discussed all the bird seed blends before he went back to the house feeder.

"I think the house feeder will be okay. I don't think the birds will make too much of a mess. I'm going to get one."

Whatever you say. You are the customer and the customer is always right...even if they are contrary.

Why do you blog?

2007-01-31T10:37:00.000-06:00

I was reading one of my blog regulars and they had a link posted to a survey that asked why people blogged. I wish I could remember which blog had the link, but here is the website.

I was surprised over how difficult that simple question was to answer. There are many reasons why I started blogging but I think the biggest reason is that writing is a good way to give voice to those thoughts and emotions that are rolling around in my head. Granted, I could keep a journal, and I have kept journals in the past, but through blogging I have an easier time reaching out to see if anyone is in the same boat as I am. And in that same token, I hope others can draw from my experiences and know that they are not alone. I also blog to share my silly experiences and the interesting people that I meet. I blog to improve my writing and as a way to get those creative juices flowing.

I enjoy reading blogs as much as I enjoy writing. I'm particularly interested in those people that write about their career experiences. I especially enjoy those blogs written by teachers, doctors, therapists/psychiatrists and other people who have a lot of interaction with the public because the general public can generate a lot of interesting material. I'm actually looking for blogs written by military men and women, policemen and firemen and if anyone can help me there, send me a comment or an email of those blogs that you read!

So...why do YOU blog? And which type of blogs do you enjoy reading? Are there some blogs out there that you just love and want to share? Leave a comment!

Thank You

2007-01-26T17:32:00.000-06:00

Just wanted to say thanks to you for your kind words and sharing your experiences. Your comments reminded me that I'm not alone with this depression thing and depression seems to be pretty good at isolating you from the world out there, making you feel like you're alone.

I enjoy good quotes and affirmations and I recently came across these. I recite these often in my mind when I'm having a bad day or a bad moment.

"I am more than these feelings"

and

"I breathe, therefore I am. Breathe deep, you'll get there."

I'm up to the 150mg of Effexor and have adjusted fine to the medication though it appears to be disrupting my sleep. I wake up often at night. In the last few days I've been taking the medicine in the morning instead of in the afternoon and the last 2 nights that seems to have helped some. I'll give it a few more weeks before I call the doc.

On a lighter note, I did some volunteering at the nature centers this past week. On Saturday (the 20th) I gave a Winter Tree ID presentation. I had 6 people sign up and only 3 showed up to the class. That was fine with me. The small number of people eased my nervousness and gave me a chance to really interact with the students. (well, 2 adults and one adolescent, but they were there to learn!)

The twig ID class was a bit out of my comfort zone. Identifying trees by their twigs is challenging and the dichotomous keys sometimes make the process all the more difficult. I went over "twig anatomy" and discussed other terms before handing out twigs for my students to identify with the key. I got the twigs from a kit and the answers were already typed up...thank goodness because I'm not sure I would have been able to correctly id some of those twigs! After spending an hour identifying twigs, I took everyone on a short walk outside the nature center to identify some of the trees. I think I learned as much as the students did on this excursion. One of my students was a retired entomologist who was comfortable with dichotomous keys and he gave me some great pointers in working with these maddening little booklets.

On Tuesday I spent the day out at the other nature center leading small groups of first graders on walks. Their focus was on "habitat". What components made a habitat and who or what lived in a habitat. My first group of kids were kinda wild and the one little boy had food on his brain. While walking in the woods we came across evidence of a squirrel burying nuts in the ground after discussing why the squirrel would bury the nuts, I asked what other foods the squirrel might eat to which the boy promptly said "Pizza!" His response to just about every question I asked was "pizza". (ie - What do you suppose coyotes eat? Pizza! What is out here on the prairie that would deem it a habitat? Pizza! etc)

It had snowed overnight and there were some great animal tracks on the ground. I took along an animal tracks ID card and had the kids try to identify the tracks that we came across. In my second group of first graders, I had a little girl who was convinced that every big track or blob of exposed ground were black bear prints. And subsequently, she answered almost all of my questions with "black bear". What animals live out here on the prairie? Black bears! Which animals would use the trees for shelter? Black bears! I repeatedly told her there were no black bears in the city or even the state, but she stubbornly persisted with her concern of bears lurking in the woods. Oiye.

I'm off this weekend. Whoo-hoo! I don't get weekends off very often...of course my weekend hours aren't bad, I'm home before 6pm but it's still nice to have a Saturday and Sunday free to lounge around in my jammies and be with my hubby.

Have a good weekend everyone! I'll be around to read your blogs!

3rd Week

2007-01-19T18:21:00.000-06:00

I've been on the antidepressant Effexor for 3 weeks now. The doctor gave me a bunch of samples at my last visit and told me to gradually increase my dose up to 150mg. Right now I'm at 75mg. I forgot how hard antidepressants are on my stomach. The first week was the worst and I was at the lowest dose of 37.5 mg. I decided to continue this dose for an additional week to help my stomach adjust. Next week I will start taking the recommended dose of 150mg.

I don't feel better, but I know it will take a few more weeks before I notice any differences in my emotions. I still find it difficult to socialize with friends and family. I don't want to go out...I just want to be left alone and I've been stuck in a muck of self pity this week. I've been struggling with this round of depression for over 2 years now and I'm wondering what more I need to do to get through it. I've done therapy, support groups and the medication. What more do I need to do? What am I doing wrong? What do I need to do differently? That's the kind of thing that has been going through my mind.

But it's not all bad. I reconnected with an old friend a few days ago and it was so good to talk to her. One of the nature centers I volunteer at has asked me to take photographs for a field guide they will be creating. There is another photography project that I may be involved in, but it's too soon yet to get excited about it.

The skies are gray, but the sun is peaking through the clouds. I just wish it would hurry and clear up already.

Thursday 13

2007-01-18T08:41:00.000-06:00

 
Thirteen Things about Chickadee

1) As some of you know, I work in a small retail store where we get a lot of regulars. I have a difficult time remembering names but I can remember things like the customer’s hobbies, the names of their pets or what merchandise they buy when they come into the store. What is up with that? Why can I remember details of their lives, but not their names?

2) I must confess that I am a Matlock rerun watcher. Hubby knows that I love the show and often teases me about it, especially when I get angry with someone or annoyed over some injustice. He will grin at me and say “You better get Matlock on the case.” 

3) Hubby also gets a kick out of the fact that I watch the Andy Griffith show. When he sees the sitcom on the television he makes it a point to ask me what hilarious misunderstandings are occurring in Mayberry.

4) To those World of Warcraft Players in the group – The Burning Crusades is here! Did you buy your copy? I’ve been spending waaay too much time on the game since the expansion came out on Tuesday.

5) Hubby went to the gaming store at midnight to pick our Burning Crusades copies up. He said there were only about 25 people in the store.

6) As mentioned in Friday’s entry, I did an outdoor event on Thursday (Eagle Days)  that was cold and windy. Well, I did another outdoor event (Eagle Days part 2) on Sunday and it was even COLDER and windy. It was overcast and 32 degrees…not sure what the wind chill was that day and I’m not sure I want to know!

7) And while doing Thursday’s outdoor event, several of the volunteers’ cars needed to be moved to a different parking lot.  Given that we were standing on the middle of a bridge with a bunch of kids (see the previous entry) we had to rely on someone else to move our cars. I was a little embarrassed about the state of my car. Let’s just say the interior of my car is a trough short of a pigsty. Oh well.

8) I wore my neck gaiter for the first time on Thursday. When I pulled the thing over my nose I felt like I was suffocating myself so I had to gradually get used to having it over my nose. I also steamed up my glasses when I had the thing over my nose.

9) There was a panhandler on the street corner yesterday in the freezing cold. Why of all days would someone be out on the street selling candy? I have a big pet peeve with panhandlers. I feel like they’re pushy and running some scam as they try to sell you candy or ask for money for some charity. They’re usually dressed in street clothes and not wearing an official shirt or other insignia of the charitable organization. Even worse are the kids that are on the street corners trying to raise money for their schools. I wish panhandling were illegal in my city.

10) I hooked up via telephone with an old friend that I haven’t talked to in a few years. It was wonderful to talk to her again. I vow this time to keep in closer contact with her.

11) My brain is such a blank right now with this 13…I’m having a difficult time coming up with 13 things today.

12) Here’s an odd question about bread. Do you eat the heels of the bread, or throw them out? I don’t like the heels of the bread but my husband will eat them.

13) Please continue to keep my friend’s husband in your thoughts. He’s over in Iraq and their platoon had lost almost a dozen members over Xmas week. Let’s keep our thoughts focused on his safety and well-being.

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I Survived Eagle Days 2007

2007-01-12T19:40:00.000-06:00

I helped with an Eagle Days event for our nature center yesterday. We host this event every year and the extravaganza lasts 5 days. Wednesday through Friday are devoted to school groups and the event is open to the public on the weekend.

Eagle Days is held out at the Chain of Rocks Bridge, an old narrow bridge that spans across the Mississippi River. The bridge is a historic landmark and a great place to view Missouri's wintering population of Bald Eagles.

Last year I participated in the weekend portion of Eagle Days but this year was the first year that I helped with the school groups and this event was well organized. A different school group came out every hour and their stay lasted about 45 minutes. The incoming students were treated to a presentation that included a live bald eagle before the kids were divided into 2 groups. One group played an Eagle Jeopardy game and the other group came across the bridge to look for eagles through the spotting scopes manned by the volunteers. I was one of the volunteers manning the spotting scopes.

The weather and the kids provided an unforgettable experience. The weatherman was predicting strong winds but mild temperatures. (Well, mild for this time of the year) I knew that there was always a bit of wind on that bridge and that temperatures tend to run a bit cooler by the river so I dressed up. I put on long underwear, wool socks, a turtle neck with my warmest sweater before I piled on 3 coats and my neck gaiter. I could not turn my head and could barely move my arms, but I was warm! Other volunteers came equally prepared. Many wore varying degrees of coats, overalls and hats. One volunteer went so far as to gear up in her ski suit and ski mittens.

And it was windy. Very, very, VERY windy. I was not prepared for the intensity of the wind. I think many people were surprised at the strength of the wind. It was nonstop and so gusty at times that you had to hold on to the spotting scopes and brace yourself to keep everything (and yourself) from blowing over. We laughed and moaned over the cool, windy weather and joked that we needed T-shirts or buttons that said "I survived Eagle Days 2007".

The kids that came to the event appeared to be middle to lower class and were also an eye-opening experience. Some of the students had threadbare jackets and wore no hats or gloves and ill-fitting clothes. And while standing up on the step stools to look through the spotting scopes, the kids would open their mouths in concentration, providing a revealing glimpse at their teeth. I was surprised at the number of kids that had broken teeth, yellowed teeth, gingivitis or severe plaque buildup.

The eagles were sparse but mostly reliable. We had one eagle standing on a sandbar and another eagle perched on a wood drift, each hoping to snag a passing fish. There was only one period of time when all of our eagles flew off, leaving us volunteers to find creative ways for the kids to get excited about standing on top of a bridge amidst the howling wind and cold temperatures with no eagles in sight. I was fortunate enough to find a Great Blue Heron standing at the edge of the river. One of the other volunteers focused on a a paddleboat and had the kids try to read the name of the boat through the spotting scope and yet another volunteer had the kids look for eagles with the spotting scope.

The event ended at lunchtime and the nature center fed us BBQ sammiches, pork and beans, coleslaw, mac n cheese and cookies. They also gave us a little backpack in appreciation for our hardwork.

My friend and co-volunteer took that picture of me on the bridge. She posted the picture on our volunteer website and typed the caption "Could be worse. I could be in Anarctica"

Well...it WAS cold and windy.

The Seed Tussle

2007-01-09T16:44:00.000-06:00

There are a few challenges to my job and these challenges are typical in many retail settings: making a sales pitch to the customer, dealing with a difficult customer, answering odd questions and figuring out merchandise returns. However, there is one daily challenge that is not found in all small retail shops. We carry a variety of seed mixes in 15, 20 and 50 pound bags and it is the store's policy to carry all seed bags to the customer's car. No exceptions, end of story.

This may seem simple enough of a task to accomplish, but it can be difficult at times. The women customers are usually cooperative and generally do not protest when I grab their birdseed and head for the door. The men however, are a different story.

Taking seed out for a male customer takes a degree of outwitting, outsmarting and quick reflexes. I'm already thinking ahead as the male customer approaches the register and my plan usually involves practically jumping over the counter to reach the seed before he has placed his change or receipt in his wallet. By the time he has a chance to react, I'm already at the front door with the bag slung over my shoulder. (We keep the birdseed by the front door)

The next phase in the game involves wit. At this point the man protests that I have the bag and I'll laugh and say things like :

"I need to walk off the Moo-Latte that I had for lunch"

or

"It's such a beautiful day outside that I need a breath of fresh air."

If the gentleman vigorously protests, I'll tell him that carrying the seed is a service we provide our customers and if the boss is out of earshot, I'll tell him with a smile that I will get in trouble if I do not take his seed to the car (And believe me, I will!) and he wouldn't want to get me in trouble, would he? At this point though we're already outside so the man will usually grumble and comply.

I know that it's probably a macho thing and the men aren't comfortable with a woman, or anyone really, taking their seed out to their car but it makes my job difficult when they say "no". It's not a personal issue, it's my job. Please stop fighting me and let me do my job. It's just a bag of seed. No more tussling!

Regulars

2007-01-07T07:41:00.000-06:00

We had a high number of regular customers enter the store yesterday. I like the regular customers. There's a certain degree of comfort in seeing a familiar face and you get a glimpse into their everyday lives everytime they walk through the door. Some come in once a week, others maybe only once every 6-8 weeks. Most of these customers are elderly but there are a few young ones in the cast of characters. You dread some of the regulars that come through the door, but some are quite entertaining.

For example, Mr. W came in yesterday. He's an older man that is hilarious and his routine is like clockwork. He usually enters the store with a smile on his face before he starts bemoaning the fact that he has to feed "those birds" and complains about all the money he spends on birdseed and the only gratitude he gets from his feathered friends is the poop on his car. Then he launches into the squirrels. The squirrels live high on the hog at his bird feeders and he swears to the lord above that some of the squirrels are as big as he is. He has quite the comedy act.

Mrs. K also came in yesterday and she is another entertaining customer. Well, her dog is the entertaining one. Mrs. K runs her errands with her dog in tow. Sasha is a young basset hound mix that is enthusiastic about life. She likes to jump on people to lick their faces in greeting and she enjoys romping around the store. She's not a destructive dog by any means, just young. Mrs. K gets so annoyed with Sasha sometimes. When Sasha jumps on one of us or pulls Mrs. K through the store, she will roar "Sasha!" in exasperation. A few weeks ago Mrs. K came in grumbling under breath. When I asked where Sasha was, she replied that Sasha was still in the car because she was in trouble. Evidently Sasha had found a bag of candy that Mrs. K had just purchased and had eaten some of the sweets during the trip to our store. Needless to say, Sasha was in big trouble.

Mr. S also came in yesterday. Mr. S is a little old man that loves feeding the ducks and geese at his church. He and his wife are volunteer groundskeepers at the church. His wife tends the plants and he feeds the birds. He comes in at least twice a month to buy cracked corn for the birds and usually gives us a comic strip on the way out. I'm afraid that Mr. S's hold on reality is slipping. He launches into his story about being a volunteer at the church and feeding the ducks in the exact same way every time he comes into the store, as if he has never seen you before (when you've waited on him just about every other time he has come in) and when he pays, he pulls everything out of his wallet and looks at it all in indecision. Then he will leave something important on the counter, like a credit card or social security card and you have to make sure to give him that card as he's walking away. He is a sweet man, but it is hard to watch him slowly deteriorate.

Mr. and Mrs. D also came in yesterday. They are fairly new to the regular cast. They have been buying the pet food that we have recently added to the store. They have a pair of Boston Terriers that are a hoot. The dogs also came into the store.

Some of these customers have interesting lives. One regular customers include a woman who is a serious birder that travels all over the world in search of that bird she has yet to put on her life list. Another lady is a nun who lives and works at a children's home and yet another is a woman who works at the local Petsmart and fosters cats in her home. There's the woman from the South that is a high school swim teacher. She's a hoot. I love it when she comes in the store.

Some of the customers are currently experiencing trials in their lives. There's the married couple that comes in every now and then where the wife is in the beginning stages of Alzheimers, or the woman who had a stroke last spring and is just now getting out and around. Or the heartbreaking case of the woman who has ovarian cancer and is having to repeat her chemo. I haven't seen her in awhile. There's also the woman who comes into the store a lot that has a disabled husband at home.

Working in retail may drive me nuts but that's one of the perks of the job...meeting and getting to know everyday strangers.

Thursday 13

2007-01-03T20:47:00.000-06:00

 
Thirteen Things about CHICKADEE

1) Happy New Year everyone! The 1st 13 of the year…I’ll get things started and tell you how hubby and I spent our New Years Eve. I was lucky enough to get the day off. So we sat in our pajamas all day and played World of Warcraft.

2) Then we had a dinner of appetizers that consisted of pizza,  crab rangoon, lemongrass chicken rolls and curry chicken potstickers. Then we watched the Wallace and Grommit movie “The Curse of the Wererabbit”. I’m new to the Wallace and Grommit scene but I loved the movie. I gotta say that while Wallace may have the brains, Grommit definitely has the common sense of the pair. He quickly became my favorite. His expressions and reactions to Wallace’s quips and (mis)adventures were priceless.

3) On New Years Day we had brunch at the casino. I’m not a casino type girl. I find a lot of the flash in a casino unnecessary and well, stupid. There was a fountain in the casino’s lobby and I commented that it was a waste of water. Hubby said that the water was recycled and nothing was going to waste. I argued that even though the fountain was recycling the water, it was frivolous because the water wasn’t doing anything useful and should have been put to better use. Leave the water for drinking or sustaining plant and animal life. I guess that’s the hippie in me coming out.

4) We also had an interesting conversation over brunch concerning my wedding ring. Hubby noticed that I was wearing only my engagement ring and not my wedding ring. I sheepishly told him that I misplaced the ring. I went on to tell him that the only times I took the ring off was when I took a shower or I went to bed. I took the ring off at night because my hands seem to swell at night and the ring feels tight and I take it off when I shower because it seems to get loose and I’m worried it will fall off. Apparently my comment amused him.

“So your ring is both too tight and too loose.” He said with a grin.

Shut up. I know how dumb that sounds, but it’s true! LOL.

5) Now that the holidays are over, I like to see how long the Christmas lights stay up in the front yards. Last year I saw lights all the way up to the 2nd week in Feburary.


6) I’m going to talk about my little friend Ryan again. Last night he gave me the next Magic Tree House book to read. I noticed that he’s a close talker, especially when he gets excited. He was animatedly talking about the characters in the books and the plot and he was just inches from my face, moving closer and closer to me as he talked.

7) I’m going to complain about cream cheese. I have issues with cream cheese. I can never seem to get it soft enough when a recipe calls for “softened” cream cheese. I leave it sit out for awhile, but it never seems to be soft enough. Then when I mix it with other ingredients, the cream cheese doesn’t get evenly distributed and there are globs of it in the mixture it is in. So frustrating!

8) Tuesday at work was inventory day. Ugh. In between waiting on customers (thankfully it was a slow day) I counted over 500 greeting cards, 200 individual necklace strands. (Zulugrass – it’s so pretty!) countless books, knicknacks and birdfeeders. I also had to tally up the dollar amount of unused gift cards. That was the worst!

9) Monday I told Hubby that I had to start writing up my 13 and he thought that was cheating. He thinks I should write my Thursday 13 on Thursday as suggested in the meme title. I usually start thinking about my 13 on Sunday and add to it a little each day and post it Wednesday night. (I’m usually still writing it on Wednesday) How do you write your 13 and where do you draw inspiration?

10) Our kitten Olivia is on to another phase in her young life. She enjoys jumping on the fishtank and drinking and playing with the water. There’s a cover over the tank, but there’s a narrow spot on top that’s not covered (where the bubbler etc goes in) It’s so frustrating to continually reprimand her for her naughtiness. No matter what method we use, she still jumps up on tank. There’s some miscommunication somewhere along the line. She doesn’t understand the that “NO” means “NO” and we don’t understand that she MUST jump up and play with the water and scare the fish…it’s a feline hunter’s instincts after all.

11)  Sometimes I play this game called “Who get the last word?”. I do this both at work and when shopping. For example while at work, I pay attention to who gets the last word in when I’m helping someone to their car with a big bag of birdseed.
“Okay, you’re all set. You have a good day.” I say

“You too.” The customer says

“Thank you. I will.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Bye.” I say.

“Bye.” The customer says.

It doesn’t usually drag out like that, but you get the idea. I rarely win the last word game.

12) I have an idiosycrancy with locked doors in that I lock them and then don’t remember that I locked the door. This gets to be a problem, especially when I’m laying in bed awake at night, fretting as I’m trying to remember if I locked the door at work. Once when housesitting for someone, I couldn’t remember if I locked the door when I left so I turned around and went back to check. It’s one of those quirks that makes me colorful.

13) I received a thank you note from my friend’s husband in Iraq. I sent him a Xmas care package last month. He included a picture of his group. It was nice to get that note and picture from him. Please continue to keep him in your thoughts.


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New Year Resolution

2006-12-29T14:17:00.000-06:00

I ordinarily do not make New Year's resolutions because the promises I make to myself to diet, excercise, eat better, volunteer more, be a better person etc have gone out the window before the week is over.

But this year will be different. I'm not going to make resolutions exactly, but live by the decision that I am going to take better care of myself overall in the upcoming year. There are many facets to this improved self-care and there are a few big areas that I will concentrate on. One big area is the self talk. You wouldn't believe how often I criticize and berate myself. Or the number of times in a day that I tell myself that I am stupid and a loser. This has got to stop. The negative self talk is NOT helping my self-esteem. I will replace the negative thoughts with positive affirmations, even if I don't believe them. ( ie - replace the "I'm so stupid" with "I'm very intelligent, thank you very much!")

Another aspect that I would like to change is my role as the victim in life. Sometimes I think I stay stuck in current circumstances because it's easier to sit there and complain about being life's victim rather than initiating the changes that I need for myself. Take control of situations and emotions rather than have them take control of me. But changing to a healthier outlook takes effort and a degree of work until the habit sticks. Change can be scary though, especially when that change means rocking a few boats in the family. I've done enough boat rocking to know that the initial shock of change is very uncomfortable...but very worthwhile.

I need to re-establish my support system. I keep thoughts and feelings bottled up and push everyone away. I need to return to the support groups that I was attending and reconnect with the people that care about me and ask for help.

I think most of this depression stems from the fact that I am not being true to myself. I'm ignoring my true self. But what is the truth for me and what is it that I lack in my life? I won't find the answers to these questions until I have the courage to take stock of what's within and make the changes that are necessary.

I believe that taking care of myself will have a ripple effect in all aspects of my life, giving me the confidence to grow and take chances, reach out to friends and have the strength to withstand the challenges in life.

The old habits are clouding my view of what is good for me and preventing me from seeking and embracing my truths. It's time to break the old habits and make room for the new. I think I'm up for the challenge.

Happy New Year everyone.

2006-12-27T22:36:00.000-06:00

 
Thirteen Things about CHICKADEE

1) As some of you know, I moved my blog! The short version of the story is that the spam filters on my other blog template were crap and blocking people that had the same IP range as the spammers. AND the spammers were getting around the word verification. So I moved. I apologize for the inconvenience I caused many of you who tried to access or comment on my blog. Believe me, I was very aware of the hassle. I couldn’t even leave comments on my own blog!

2) Christmas was good. I made out with great loot. I received 4 different porcelain bird figurines. Two of the figures were Lenox birds…this chickadee and this parula. I need a new curio cabinet!

3) My hubby bought me a neat little bag that will hold my binoculars, camera, field guide and other gadgets that go along with my outdoor birdwatching adventures. I can’t wait to use it!

4) We bought our godson some matchbox cars for Christmas. I posted on last week’s 13 how he loves to take his little cars and arrange them in rows. Well, that little stinker received LOTS and LOTS of matchbox cars and when we visited Tuesday night there were rows of cars every where you turned. A line of cars by the steps. Another line of cars on the kitchen table…another line on the basement couch…

5) For Ryan (our godson’s older brother) we bought him the book Eragon. If you recall, he’s the one who has been loaning me his Magic Tree House books.

6) Do you have plans for New Years Eve? We usually stay at home, open a bottle of Champagne and watch a movie. We stay off the road to avoid the drunken idiots.

7) But Hubby and I have a fun New Year’s day tradition. Every year we go out to the river and look for Bald Eagles. We began this in 1999 and that first outing got me hooked on birdwatching.

8) A co-worker got me hooked on the TV series “Heroes”. She’s been trying to get me to watch the show since the season began, telling me that it was my kind of show and that I would REALLY like it. I finally watched the series pilot and OMG, what took me so long???!!! I’ve only seen 4 episodes (from the Heroes marathon that SciFi periodically airs) so I’m trying to piece everything together. I don’t know what to think of Claire’s dad. But I LOVE Hero! He’s so cute.

9) We’re having another Christmas tomorrow night. My husband’s brother is in from North Carolina for the next week. My husband’s side of the family are big Seinfeld fans so this second Christmas is going to be known as “Festivus” and my MIL is going to try to find an aluminum pole so that we can “air our grievances”. Bone should appreciate the holiday for he had a Festivus celebration last week with his friends. I’ll be sure to post any noteworthy celebration activities.

10) I’ve been on a Coldplay kick lately. Coldplay’s music is kind of hard to explain, but their songs search for meaning in life, saving the environment etc. The music just fits this phase in my life. If you’re looking for some good music, check the group out.

11)  I have been in a time warp this week. I get like this almost every year in the week between Christmas and New Years. All day I kept thinking it was Saturday instead of Wednesday. I don’t know what it is about this holiday week that throws me off.

12)  I’ve been thinking about the New Year and what changes I would like to make for myself. I do not ordinarily make resolutions, because I do a poor job of keeping them, but I think this year I will make a few realistic resolutions. I’ve been giving it some thought and I will post an entry about it in the next day or two.

13) And again, please keep my best friend’s  (aka my soul sista) husband in your thoughts. He’s serving our country in Iraq right now. They are both wonderful people. Behind every strong military man is a strong military wife. I love you guys!

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Rumble in the boutique

2006-12-22T20:07:00.000-06:00

It has been an interesting month here in the retail world. As some of you may know, I work in a small boutique that sells outdoor garden and bird feeding goodies. Since we are a specialized store, our customer base is smaller and to that benefit, we are on a first name basis with a lot of those people. But this time of the year we do get more people who do not ordinarily shop in our type of store, people from the "outside world", if you will.

We've had our share of difficult customers the last few weeks. There have been both the regular customers and non-regulars that have made me want to cry, scream and throttle their necks. But despite these emotions, I recognize some of these experiences as blogworthy material. Here is such an example. I wish I could have been there for this one.

This story was told to me by Mr. Boss and this event took place yesterday:

Woman A walked into the store 30 minutes before closing. She was looking for an ornament for an ornament exchange. After examining all the shiny, sparkly and discounted ornaments, she settled on a birdhouse ornament. Woman B enters the store 15 minutes later and she too, was looking for an ornament to send to a friend overseas. She examines the same tree filled with shiny, sparkly and discounted ornaments and finds a plump Cardinal bird sitting on a tree branch. Woman A spots Woman B's ornament and exclaims

"Where did you find that?"

"On the tree over there." Woman B replies.

"Well, I've got to have that one too."

Woman A went to the tree and wouldn't you know it, Woman B grabbed the last cardinal bird. Woman A goes back to Woman B and tries to bully Woman B into giving the ornament to her. Initially Woman A asked for the ornament and when Woman B refused, Woman A switched tactics and said that she was entitled to the ornament since SHE was in the store first.

Woman A pulled Mr. Boss into the discussion to which he replied:

"Yea, you were in the store first and you had 15 minutes worth of time to look at the ornaments before she came into the store. She found it and you didn't."

Woman B paid for her ornament and Woman A hounded her the entire time, saying "I can't believe you're not going to give me that ornament." Repeatedly.

The ornament was 6.99 regular price and was 50% off. It wasn't a Lenox or other imported piece of art. Get a grip.

I can't wait to see what this weekend brings to the store.

Accomplishments and blessings

2006-12-21T16:31:00.000-06:00

As some of you may know, I've hit a rough spell and have been fairly depressed. I wrote about it in this entry on my other blog. (Don't be surprised if you can't access it. Grrr) Not long after posting that, I read Becky's entry on Ponderings and it got me to thinking about the accomplishments and blessing in my life.

I think the biggest accomplishment in my life is that I broke the cycle of dysfunctional relationships. I grew up in a very dysfunctional home and began dating men that were like my father; verbal abusive, unpredictable, emotionally unavailable. I realize that you need to kiss a few toads along the way to better appreciate your prince charming when he arrives, but I know there are women out there who continue their cycle of unhealthy relationships. I'm not sure where I broke the cycle; there was no defining moment, but rather I think that I progressed upward as I painfully grew out of the old habits. I met a wonderful man and have been blessed that he loves me despite my, erm, "eccentricities". I know that I can be extremely difficult to live with at times. I'm not sure what qualities he sees that redeem me from the difficult side of my personality, but I am grateful. He is supportive, funny, intelligent, caring, stable and emotionally open.

Another major accomplishment was getting through the grief of my sister's death. I was in a bad place for a long time after she died. I haven't been the same since her death, but yet her death opened my eyes and made me appreciate how precious life is. Her death brought out a strength within that I did not know existed. Her death made me realize what was important in life. I may not always have the courage to immediately jump into changes, but I do take appropriate actions when I get stuck in a rut...slowly, and not perfectly, but it is done.

Simply acknowledging and working through this depression is another accomplishment. I may not do it perfectly, but I am working through it, day by day. Through this depression I have become acquainted with myself and I'm trying to embrace my positive qualities, though right now in this stage of the game, I'm still filled with a lot of self-loathing.

Another accomplishment I have is the fact that I finished college despite the fact that I struggle with certain academic subjects, even those subjects that interested me were difficult. I would like to continue on to get my Master's Degree, but I'm not going to take that step until I get tested for learning disabilities. That's a whole other topic that I may touch on later.

We are not rich by any means, but my husband makes enough that I can work part time and for that I am grateful, especially during the times when it's all I can do to make it through the day. Career-wise I feel largely unfulfilled, but I am exploring options through volunteer work and have met some neat people through the organizations where I spend my time.

My job is a blessing too...it's not exactly what I want to do with my life, but the flexibility is wonderful and the bosses are okay. It's a stepping stone until I have the courage and strength to take the next step in the career game.

I live in a country that is not in the grips of a civil war, I do not have to worry about where my next meal will be and I have a roof over my head. I may not be 100 % healthy mentally, but I have my physical health.

I feel like crap emotionally, but I know that it could be a lot worse. I just need to remind myself of the things that I take for granted.

I've moved!

2006-12-21T15:59:00.000-06:00

Hi all! In the interest of my sanity, I have moved my blog. I was receiving a large volume of spam despite the word verification filter and the other spam filters on my blog's template were largely a pain in the butt. I had a few people email to tell me they couldn't comment on my blog and even could not access my blog..most likely due to the spam filter.

So I'm going to start over here and hope for the best. It's pretty bare around here right now, but then so is a new house when you first move in. I'll decorate the place once I figure out all the bells and whistles on Blogger.