New Year Resolution
But this year will be different. I'm not going to make resolutions exactly, but live by the decision that I am going to take better care of myself overall in the upcoming year. There are many facets to this improved self-care and there are a few big areas that I will concentrate on. One big area is the self talk. You wouldn't believe how often I criticize and berate myself. Or the number of times in a day that I tell myself that I am stupid and a loser. This has got to stop. The negative self talk is NOT helping my self-esteem. I will replace the negative thoughts with positive affirmations, even if I don't believe them. ( ie - replace the "I'm so stupid" with "I'm very intelligent, thank you very much!")
Another aspect that I would like to change is my role as the victim in life. Sometimes I think I stay stuck in current circumstances because it's easier to sit there and complain about being life's victim rather than initiating the changes that I need for myself. Take control of situations and emotions rather than have them take control of me. But changing to a healthier outlook takes effort and a degree of work until the habit sticks. Change can be scary though, especially when that change means rocking a few boats in the family. I've done enough boat rocking to know that the initial shock of change is very uncomfortable...but very worthwhile.
I need to re-establish my support system. I keep thoughts and feelings bottled up and push everyone away. I need to return to the support groups that I was attending and reconnect with the people that care about me and ask for help.
I think most of this depression stems from the fact that I am not being true to myself. I'm ignoring my true self. But what is the truth for me and what is it that I lack in my life? I won't find the answers to these questions until I have the courage to take stock of what's within and make the changes that are necessary.
I believe that taking care of myself will have a ripple effect in all aspects of my life, giving me the confidence to grow and take chances, reach out to friends and have the strength to withstand the challenges in life.
The old habits are clouding my view of what is good for me and preventing me from seeking and embracing my truths. It's time to break the old habits and make room for the new. I think I'm up for the challenge.
Happy New Year everyone.